DURBAN – First things first, obey your crest. The KZN Philharmonic Orchestra may have beaten me to it, but Happy 80th Birthday to the only man who can ever judge me, the one and only Judge Vuka Tshabalala. Usuku olumnandi, Mshengu!
We find ourselves in St Paddy’s week, but all the luck in Ireland may not be enough to stop Eddie Jones’ juggernaut from drinking Guinness into the record books. England are currently level with the All Blacks’ world record of 18 wins – despite not playing the men in black once during that run. That’s a bit cheeky.
The boys in green will hope to call upon the leprechauns of Chicago, when they halted the All Blacks’ own record, so you never really know with them.
England looked other worldly against Scotland, and you know that ol’ Eddie will have them fired up.
As long-suffering Saffas, it’s funny to note that the Poms – with Billy and Mako Vunipola, Courtney Lawes, Maro Itoje, Jonathan Joseph, Ben Te’o and Anthony Watson – look a lot more transformed than our bumbling Boks. Pity Eddie went for the pounds and not our common cents.
England are 6/10 to do the Irish job, and Ireland 13/10 to poop the party.
But this is about a lot more than just 80 minutes. There are British (and Irish) Lions’ squad spots on the line, and lashings of good ol’ Irish pride, as they haven’t been at their best in this Six Nations. This should be an absolute cracker!
The Bones have been going with the heart more than the head of late. So, for control, we consulted a muse. He is a man who thrives in gutters, but his mind is certainly on the ball.
Straight off the shoulder, the muse says to bank on England, France, Hurricanes, the Lions and the Jaguares. All on the trot. Let’s hope you are not gutted come Sunday morning.
Most of the footy fare is rather dry, but this is the time to get back to basics. So, the nap bets for the weekend are Everton to do Hull, Barcelona to klap Valencia, Dortmund to dala Ingolstadt, and then the Scottish ‘Old Firm’ of Rangers and Celtic to bag three points apiece.
Local is not always lekker, but if you’re feeling ballsy, get the double of Kaizer Chiefs and Cape Town City to beat Baroka and Mzansi’s Celtic.
The race to the EPL is hotting up nicely. Huddersfield (13/10) are chasing automatic promotion, and they should beat relegation-threatened Bristol (22/10) away.
In the playoffs’ race, sixth and seventh in Sheffield Wednesday (8/10) and Reading (18/10) are in a crunch meeting. I’d lean towards Reading plus draw.
Back to rugga, the Bulls have a generous spread (-30.5) at home to the Sunwolves, who are much better than they are being given credit for. Friday night lights could inspire them – I say they will beat the spread.
Saturday brings us a proper feast, with the Hurricanes (3/10) back in the ‘Cake Tin’ against the Highlanders (5/2). Hopefully the weather is a little better in Kiwi-land, though the deluge didn’t stop the Chiefs and Canes from making it rain with skills last week.
The Highlanders, even with Ben Smith back, may catch the backlash from the Canes’ slip-up in the wet. By the time you read this, the stingy Chiefs would have chowed the Rebels – spread and all – in their backyard.
Back the Jaguars to nibble the Cheetahs – confirming that sermon these Bones foretold about a good 2017 for the hombrés.
The Sharks also have their bite back, even with the silence of the Lambie, and they will turn the Kings into peasants, though the spread is again too generous. It’s still a derby, people!
Super Sunday always has a surprise, so don’t be too shocked if Middlesbrough (11/2) steal a point off draw-kings Man United (5/10).
As for the humdingers, Spurs vs Southampton and the hurting City hosting Liverpool, look to ‘Over 2.5 goals’ for both, and enjoy the carnage!